Thursday, December 6, 2012

Fix no more


Whether its fear, or a warped sense of responsibility, or that darn Mother-hen instinct, women posses an insatiable  urge to fix problems. It's in our DNA. After all, so far we've survived every imaginable near-death crisis as our families careen down the streets of life. Our ability to change a diaper with one hand, coincide baths with chicken casseroles, and make yesterdays hair look fresh are nothing short of miraculous. We should have honorary doctorates in Gerry-rigging strollers so two kids, a diaper bag, the dog, and a Starbucks can all fit ever so nicely. Besides, who else can claim to have wiped thousands of noses and cleaned more toilets than the population of Los Banos?

Women know stuff. Just ask us. We can determine your color palate, how to remove unsightly hair from your upper lip, that great match for your son., and what you should make for dinner in the first five minutes of a conversation.

The problem is, fixing is hard work. It requires a great deal of time and energy to care for the masses. And it is never done. Someone could always use our services. No wonder we are exhausted.

Given all that, you would think multitudes would be eternally grateful for our advice, The truth is, fixing does not always go over well. People don't really want to be fixed.

So what is the solution for us fixers?

In Matthew 11:29-30, Jesus says: Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you, and learn from Me, for I an gentle and humble in heart, and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.
I think Jesus has a different perspective on fixing. Since He is the only one who can actually change the hearts of others (even though we want to), and alter circumstances (even though we try), and provide for needs (even though it seems like it's up to us), we must abdicate to Him.

In fact, when we attempt to do His job, we get in His way. In this passage, Jesus says his way is humble and gentle. I think our fixing must seem a little arrogant and forceful sometimes. And He must know we tend to carry things that aren't ours to carry because He is asking us to do two things: lay down our yoke (the way we think is right), and take up His yoke (which He says is light).

Learning from Jesus clarifies when lines are blurred about our responsibilities, Rather than rescuing, He prayed for those He loved. When they messed up, He extended grace and gently guided them in loving conversation without scolding or hen-pecking. He spoke truth without anger, and cared for others without requiring the right response. Although He possessed the power to change minds and wills, He waited until people asked for help. His respectful kindness attracted others, while not crossing their personal boundaries by offering uninvited assistance.

Jesus didn't preach the 10 steps to success or the 5 ways to avoid temptation, He simply pointed people to God as the source for all their needs. He wants us to learn this light way of living - to let go of the responsibility of trying to make others happy - and to learn how to truly help them.

The weight you carry for another is God's reminder to bring their needs before Him. The next time you are tempted to step in, stop and say a prayer something like this: Lord Jesus, I release this problem into your capable hands to do as you see fit. It is your yoke, not mine. Help me to pray for this person every time I feel anxious. Please provide all the wisdom and resources they need., and Help them to navigate their own path with you at the helm. Tell me if there is something specific you want me to do, but keep me from attempting to change what is not mine to change. Thank you from taking the weight of this problem on yourself. I receive your peace and rest from my work.

Embracing the light yoke of Jesus is liberating. As you continually surrender your urge to fix, you may have more free time. The void may feel strange at first, but eventually you will see how much more effective your prayers are than your frenzied rescuing. Maybe it's time to take up snorkeling.


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