Tuesday, May 11, 2010

things that don't make sense...


getting mad at clothes for falling off the hanger

wondering if the chain mail I just deleted was the one bonefide message from God

spending 10 years of my life perfecting chicken casserole recipes

going to a restaurant and ordering chicken

buying dark shadow for above my eyes and dark shadow concealer for under my eyes

purchasing a rat for a pet in the house and killing the rat in the garage

acquiring animals that require cleaning up poop and barf when I had Babies

why older women roll their nylons to just below their knees

when I think it is too much trouble to wear nylons. Then my feet sweat. Then I wonder how I can wear them without the hassle of pulling them all the way up.

grocery lists that include dried cranberries and cranberry juice

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Middle ground

To say we are different is an understatement. My husband and I are polar opposites. While he is usually busy ordering his world, I am looking for ways to get out of the box. It works for us. The only real problem comes when he tries to order my world or I attempt to get him out of his box. That happened last Saturday.

Who would have thought our worlds would collide over fish? Right in the middle of the Costco parking lot no less. How stupid is it to give validity to something so insignificant? Just the fact that we were haggling over salmon made me mad. Besides, who doesn't like fresh grilled salmon? Why did he insist on being difficult?

I'm thinking: Buy it, slap the thing on the grill and be done with it. Move on to the sunset or a walk in the park...
He's thinking: I want to think this through because I haven't had a nice meal all week and I want it to be the pinnacle of the weekend...salmon must be accompanied by great side dishes and an appropriate dessert.
After my eyes roll I'm thinking: this could take hours...

It's not like we were yelling. We were talking earnestly. Grim. Like we just received really bad news. Everyone passing our car seemed to give us that knowing look. All because we sat stalemated over dinner.

I finally blurted out "It's just a dang fish!"

That's when we decided to cut bait.

We left the parking lot. As we drove around I prayed God would help us to understand each other. I'm sure John was also praying because he said nothing.

Eventually we discussed the real issue, which boiled down to the need to communicate our expectations clearly without judging each other for being different. To discover in-the-moment compromise.

We went back to Costco and bought some marinated frozen salmon. We sauteed it and served it to the family over pasta from the pantry. Then we took everyone out to frozen yogurt.

Middle ground is good.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Perched on the corner of a busy intersection like a modern day Joan of Arc in skinny jeans, an angry picketer raised her voice against violence. Her verbal shrapnel pelted passers by, scaring them mute. Most people either ignored or avoided her.

When I drove back by later that afternoon I watched as she threw her many signs in the trunk of her bumper-stickered car. Her righteous cause hung limp in the air like a popped balloon stuck on a wire. She'd spoken truth but lacked grace.

My mental dialogue dissected her approach. Is it enough to put it out there, even if it seems like an angry diatribe preached from a soapbox? Is hostile expression appropriate if the cause is just? Been there. Didn't feel real good about the outcome. But do we just keep quiet? How do Christians speak truth effectively?

Some of us tend to go to the opposite extreme by over-extending grace. I've done that too - rationalizing my point to death paralyzed by thoughts like: Is it my place to speak? Do I have the right attitude? Do my feelings really matter? What if I offend? Is my approach Christ-like? By the time I finished overthinking I'd missed the golden opportunity. So I did nothing. At times I even waited until the problem was so big that I no longer cared about the relationship. Grace without truth is not always effective for change. Sometimes it feels like being a doormat.

When I look at Jesus, I see the perfect middle ground. Unafraid of offending, he spoke truth without blasting. Yet his loving approach drew the masses rather than alienating them with angry rebuke. He cared more about souls than his reputation, and cut to the heart of the matter without beating around the bush.

I want to be like him. I want to be full of grace AND truth.